Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How naked do you want me to be?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
