Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
