hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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