he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
