Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
