I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
