My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
