i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
