Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
