was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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