I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
