I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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