Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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