I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
