Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
