So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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