we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
