You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
