Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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