taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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