The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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