DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
