Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
