CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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