I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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