You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
