Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
