if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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