I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
