it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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