Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
