I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
