when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
