I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
