Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
birth control should be required to get into college
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
