guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
