Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
