I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
