I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
