You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
