You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
