yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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