...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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