Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
