I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
