Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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