I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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