i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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