Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
