Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
