I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
