absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
