Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need water and some morals
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
