the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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