She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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