you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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