just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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